I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
