Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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