I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
