oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
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The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
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I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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