He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
