Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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