after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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