Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
and she was petting her beer can
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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