I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
