A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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