I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
