Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
