She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
