Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
