thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
