i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
