Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
