I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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