The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
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