my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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