you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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