Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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