Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Randomize
