its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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