dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
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you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
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Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
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