At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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