I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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