you're like a bully in the Christmas story
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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