yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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