Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
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I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
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Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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