I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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