I think I won the penis lottery.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
