I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
