you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
