You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
