I just pynch a tree in the face
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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