Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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