Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
