I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
