garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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