I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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