We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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