you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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