I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
