The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
