So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
