Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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