i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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