Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
