Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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