she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Randomize
