you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
