I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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