i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
