I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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