It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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