ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
