6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
