just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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