never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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