thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
