Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
