I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
