he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
