there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
