and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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