I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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