You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
