You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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