you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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