Just fell off a train. Bad.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
True college students do jello shots in the library
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