He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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