I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
