you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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